You say Tomato, I say Perv

In the many years I have been in the spa industry as a Massage Therapist, I have had some strange encounters. Mostly over the phone, some emails, and only one in-person perv. I am constantly amazed by the creative ways men (sorry men, its never women) come up with to ask me if I will give them a ‘happy ending’.

Winning !

Charlie Sheen is a well known perv

I asked a police officer one time (he was sent by the police station to check out my practice. At that time massage therapists were regularly checked by the police station to make sure everything we were doing was “legit” and “legal”. This doesn’t happen very often anymore (thankfully) how I can best convey to my clients that I do “legal” massage and not “happy endings” 🙂

He told me that when Massage Therapists (Massuses) open up a new practice, ‘perverts’ (he called them perps, hey, you say tomato I say, perv) normally approach their practice over the phone. If you are crystal clear about the services you provide, they will hang up and move on to the next Massage Therapist that is unsure, or ambiguous about their services. Men who approach these practices that provide “illegal” services have a network, and they talk among their network to refer “their friends” to this same practice for the same “illegal” services. There are websites out there that will actually point out the best places to get “happy endings”. They check these regularly and add and edit this list constantly.

In my particular case, the opposite happened. When I first opened my practice I would get about 1-2 perv phone calls per week. As the weeks went on, and I shot more and more perv calls down, they completely stopped calling. It finally got around to the “network” in that city, that I was not “that kind of Massage Therapist”. The perv network stopped calling.

There are three ways in which perv’s will approach you :

1. Call you – usually with a deep voice, they will talk slow, ask you about your “draping” technique (lame)

2. Email you – like the email below

3. Ask you politely during the session (ew)

I will say my latest perv inquiry came through email. I haven’t had an email like this in years, so I thought for your benefit I would share with you what his email was, and why I know he is a ‘perv’ looking for a happy ending 🙂

I moved my practice out of town, then recently moved it BACK into town, so I am not surprised that I got this email but its still daunting, non-the-less to have to communicate with these A-holes.

His email to me (don’t think I didn’t consider posting his email address, but for legal reasons that might be a bad idea)

Hi, I received your contact info from your website as i was searching for a massage therapist in Lafayette/Walnut Creek area. I previously have seen a therapist in Lafayette who has helped me with a lower back issue (bulging disc in L4-L5). Because of the injury the areas that are bothersome is the upper hamstrings (sciatica) inner thighs, glutes, general mid section (groin and pelvic area). I have learned to shed my taboos about this area being massaged as this injury has been with me several years, and providing stimulation to these areas provides relief/release. My therapist has also performed lymph drainage therapy on me and has been both pleasurable/beneficial.

Her technique however is more ‘llight touch’ and I have recently developed a condition that needs more sports type of work…i think. Recently I have had an extended bout of vertigo. Someone suggested that there is not enough blood-flow to my brain/ear area. Also, I do feel tightness in my neck/shoulder blade, base of my head area.
So, I am looking for someone to treat my pelvic and related area due to the lower disc, and also work no my upper body to increase bloodflow to the head.

I am wondering if you can accomodate the above descriptions. Also, I prefer undraped for comfort.
I am only looking for a licensed, certified and legitimately experienced professional to perform a ‘true’ full body massage.
Thank you for any information.

This guy is a real douche. There are specific words and phrases that point out this is a perv email.

Perv Words: “true” (in quotes), undraped, groin or pelvic area, pleasurable

Perv Quotes : I prefer undraped for comfort, shed my taboos about this area being massaged , has been both pleasurable/beneficial, increase bloodflow to the head.

Its not that any of these one words is bad (well some are) but that he used almost EVERY Perv Word and Phrase there is – shows that he is really desperate !!! It would almost be better if he just wrote one simple line “do you give happy endings?” He would have saved us BOTH a lot of time !!

This is the biggest problem with Perv’s, they waste Massage Therapists time and they make us feel uneasy. Well, I’m happy to say that I’ve been doing this long enough to where I no longer let these tools effect me. I find the humor in these jerks and hope you do to !


~ by rachelestelle on December 7, 2011.

6 Responses to “You say Tomato, I say Perv”

  1. First, I think you are right that impeccable phone screening will ward off most people looking for sexual services. Kudos to you for maintaining great communication skills there.

    But I really dislike this piece because of the judgement you make about people looking for sexual services. It is not a new phenomena for people to want to purchase sexual touch, the problem is the confusion with outdated ideas that overlap massage with sexual services.

    Desire for sexual touch is not a perversion. It’s human. By labeling seekers ‘pervs’ you are adding to the very problem you wish to destroy. You are placing shame on people who have no choice (because of our laws against sex in exchange for money) but to create an underground network to find sex workers masquerading as massage therapists.

    I’m not saying it’s okay for a person to behave inappropriately or request services that are not legal. Such behavior should not be tolerated. But your cavalier attitude of labeling such seekers a ‘perv’, ‘a-hole’ and/or ‘douche’ gives me pause.

    I think you make some great points, but I would love to see you channel this outrage where it belongs, at bad laws and non-legit ‘massage therapists.’ I believe that kind of activism is more useful.

    • I really appreciate your comments, and value everyone’s opinion. I invite you to read through more of my blogs posts, you will find that most posts are meant in good fun, and to lighten the mood of the seriousness of the CMT industry 🙂 that being said you will either laugh or dislike me more 🙂 Either way, thanks for taking the time reading it. PS thanks for calling my post ‘rage’, it made me smile 🙂

  2. I’ve been very public about my desire to see prostitution legalized, so people could just look one up in the phone book instead of calling us.

    I’ve also been guilty of using the “perv” word when I could tell it was someone on the phone looking for a happy ending. But Allissa makes an extremely good point.

    It’s probably overwhelmingly true that not everyone who pays for sex is a pervert. Some are probably really lonely people who don’t have a partner for whatever reason, and tired of settling for self-gratification instead of human touch. Some might be people who want to avoid a relationship and just want the sex with no strings attached. Some might be the long-married man who doesn’t want to leave the wife who cut him off sexually years ago–or vice versa. Maybe they still value the relationship on the whole, but a vital part of it is missing.

    It’s relatively rare that we get a call or email like that. When we do, I just say “We only provide therapeutic massage here, and it’s the law that you must be draped.” I don’t call them a pervert–although I’m sure I’ve been guilty of thinking it. I’ll continue to say the same thing….but maybe next time I’ll be mindful that I don’t know that person’s situation. It’s just too bad we all can’t say “Here, let me give you the number to Honey’s Harlots. You’re welcome to call us back when you’re looking for therapeutic massage.” 🙂

  3. My two cents: As a male LMT for more than 14 years, I’ve been “approached” by both men AND women, in session, looking for more than therapeutic massage, despite the fact that my business name is “Center for Therapeutic Massage”. Additionally, I have a background in law enforcement; none of which has deterred those individuals determined for “something more” from a session with me. My point is, I’ll take their money, educate them what therapeutic massage is, and what it is NOT, and if they re-book, I’m fine with that. I’d rather deal with them myself than pass them off to another LMT. Unfortunately, not all LMTs have the presence that I have, from a physical standpoint as well as demeanor. Ironically, it is more common that I have to deal with potential clients that are not comfortable working with a male therapist… if they only knew!

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