You say Tomato, I say Perv
In the many years I have been in the spa industry as a Massage Therapist, I have had some strange encounters. Mostly over the phone, some emails, and only one in-person perv. I am constantly amazed by the creative ways men (sorry men, its never women) come up with to ask me if I will give them a ‘happy ending’.
I asked a police officer one time (he was sent by the police station to check out my practice. At that time massage therapists were regularly checked by the police station to make sure everything we were doing was “legit” and “legal”. This doesn’t happen very often anymore (thankfully) how I can best convey to my clients that I do “legal” massage and not “happy endings” :-)
He told me that when Massage Therapists (Massuses) open up a new practice, ‘perverts’ (he called them perps, hey, you say tomato I say, perv) normally approach their practice over the phone. If you are crystal clear about the services you provide, they will hang up and move on to the next Massage Therapist that is unsure, or ambiguous about their services. Men who approach these practices that provide “illegal” services have a network, and they talk among their network to refer “their friends” to this same practice for the same “illegal” services. There are websites out there that will actually point out the best places to get “happy endings”. They check these regularly and add and edit this list constantly.
In my particular case, the opposite happened. When I first opened my practice I would get about 1-2 perv phone calls per week. As the weeks went on, and I shot more and more perv calls down, they completely stopped calling. It finally got around to the “network” in that city, that I was not “that kind of Massage Therapist”. The perv network stopped calling.
There are three ways in which perv’s will approach you :
1. Call you – usually with a deep voice, they will talk slow, ask you about your “draping” technique (lame)
2. Email you – like the email below
3. Ask you politely during the session (ew)
I will say my latest perv inquiry came through email. I haven’t had an email like this in years, so I thought for your benefit I would share with you what his email was, and why I know he is a ‘perv’ looking for a happy ending :-)
I moved my practice out of town, then recently moved it BACK into town, so I am not surprised that I got this email but its still daunting, non-the-less to have to communicate with these A-holes.
His email to me (don’t think I didn’t consider posting his email address, but for legal reasons that might be a bad idea)
Hi, I received your contact info from your website as i was searching for a massage therapist in Lafayette/Walnut Creek area. I previously have seen a therapist in Lafayette who has helped me with a lower back issue (bulging disc in L4-L5). Because of the injury the areas that are bothersome is the upper hamstrings (sciatica) inner thighs, glutes, general mid section (groin and pelvic area). I have learned to shed my taboos about this area being massaged as this injury has been with me several years, and providing stimulation to these areas provides relief/release. My therapist has also performed lymph drainage therapy on me and has been both pleasurable/beneficial.
Her technique however is more ‘llight touch’ and I have recently developed a condition that needs more sports type of work…i think. Recently I have had an extended bout of vertigo. Someone suggested that there is not enough blood-flow to my brain/ear area. Also, I do feel tightness in my neck/shoulder blade, base of my head area.
So, I am looking for someone to treat my pelvic and related area due to the lower disc, and also work no my upper body to increase bloodflow to the head.
I am wondering if you can accomodate the above descriptions. Also, I prefer undraped for comfort.
I am only looking for a licensed, certified and legitimately experienced professional to perform a ‘true’ full body massage.
Thank you for any information.
This guy is a real douche. There are specific words and phrases that point out this is a perv email.
Perv Words: “true” (in quotes), undraped, groin or pelvic area, pleasurable
Perv Quotes : I prefer undraped for comfort, shed my taboos about this area being massaged , has been both pleasurable/beneficial, increase bloodflow to the head.
Its not that any of these one words is bad (well some are) but that he used almost EVERY Perv Word and Phrase there is – shows that he is really desperate !!! It would almost be better if he just wrote one simple line “do you give happy endings?” He would have saved us BOTH a lot of time !!
This is the biggest problem with Perv’s, they waste Massage Therapists time and they make us feel uneasy. Well, I’m happy to say that I’ve been doing this long enough to where I no longer let these tools effect me. I find the humor in these jerks and hope you do to !